Oklahomans joke (with translation for others)

[henthorn]

This was forwarded to me, and I made some modifications and explanations. Hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

You know you're from Oklahoma if:

1. You can properly pronounce Okmulgee, Gotebo, Okemah, and Chickasha.
2. You think that people who complain about the wind in their states
are sissies.
3. A tornado warning siren is your signal to go out in the yard and
look for a funnel.
4. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on
the highway.
5. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.
6. You know that the true value of a parking space is not determined by
the distance to the door, but by the availability of shade.
7. Stores don't have bags, they have sacks.
8. You see people wear bib overalls at funerals.
9. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.
10. You measure distance in minutes (or hours--depending on how far you
are going).
11. You refer to the capital of Oklahoma as "The City."
12. It doesn't bother you to use an airport named for a man who died in
an airplane crash.
13. Little Smokies are something you serve only for special occasions.
14. You go to the lake because you think it is like going to the ocean.
15. You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit
16. You know cow-pies are not made of beef.
17. Someone you know has used a football schedule to plan their wedding
date.
18. You have known someone who has had one belt buckle bigger than your fist.
19. A bad traffic jam involves two drivers staring each other down at a
four-way stop, each determined to be the most polite and let the
other go first.
20. You know in which state Miam-uh is and in which state Miam-ee is.
21. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, ammunition, and bait all
in the same store.
22. Your "place at the lake" has wheels under it.
23. A Mercedes Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 is.
24. You know everything goes better with Ranch (dressing that is).
25. You learned how to shoot a gun before you learned how to multiply.
26. You actually get these jokes and tell them to your friends!

Finally, you are 100% Oklahoman if you have ever heard this
conversation:
You wanna coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."

For those of you "who aren't from around these parts":

1. Towns in Oklahoma and how we say them: Oak mull' (hard "g")ee, Go' tee bo, O kee' ma, Chick' a shay
2. It's windy most days here, but many of us have never been to Chicago or any other well-known "Windy City"
3. We don't get too excited about those silly "tornado watches"; it seems they happen several times per week during the spring and don't mean much. We might raise an eyebrow to a "warning", which means a tornado has been witnessed (just to find out if it's headed in our direction); but we might pay attention if the siren goes off at any other time but noon (when they test the system every day) if the day is cloudy enough. On a sunny day I'd probably assume the siren was malfunctioning, and ignore it.
4. Many of us have never seen "real" traffic, unless we drive interstate highways in "The City" at rush hour.
5. Record cold spells are often followed by record heat waves, and vice versa. The thermostat gets switched around a lot. I've occasionally used the air conditioner in the winter and the heater in the summer.
6. Summers are mostly hot, dry, and sunny, and a closed car can burn ya'.
11. Oklahoma City is the biggest city many people have ever seen.
12. Oklahoma City's main airport is Will Rogers, and the secondary one is Wiley Post. These two men died together in a plane crash.
13. A special occasion is often a pot luck dinner (everyone brings something). Little Smokies are small cocktail weiners in a barbecue sauce. Formal dinners in Oklahoma are a rarity.
14. Oklahoma is a land-locked state in the center of the country, and many Okies have never seen an ocean; the nearest one is probably a thousand miles away.
15. The weather is very changeable, so weather forecasting is hit and miss. What looks like a cold day may turn into a hot one, or sunshine may precede a thunderstorm. It may be colder in the afternoon than it was when you got up.
16. Cowpies, or cow patties, or cow chips are manure. As an aside, "lamb fries" are considered a delicacy--they are fried lamb testicles.
17. University of Oklahoma football takes precedence in Oklahoma.
18. Western wear clothing is popular, and a big belt buckle can be a prize for performing well in a rodeo.
19. "You go". "No, you go". "No, you". "Please, you first". With appropriate nods and hand gestures.
20. "Miami" is pronounced differently for Oklahoma and Florida. (in that order). And we all know Mi am' ee is in Florida because of the Orange Bowl for OU football.
21. Many out-of-the-way convenience stores are the last stop for gasoline, and supplies for hunting and fishing, as well as the local video store and grocery.
22. Mobile homes are popular for lake retreats, and considered a status symbol.
23. It's a big powerful truck. A "dually".
24. Many people here have graduated from putting ketchup on everything to now putting ranch dressing (or hot sauce, or salsa) on everything.

And finally, Coke (short for Coca Cola) is a brand name cola drink. Dr. Pepper is a popular regional non-cola soft drink. When Dr. Pepper is not available in another state, I'm at a loss to know what to ask for.

[judi]

Thanks Henthorn, very enjoyable!
Judi

[OK Agent]

You mean there are people who live outside of these rules?????

[JimP]

Hi Guys,

Henthorn,

Living in Kansas a mile from the Oklahoma border. This all sounded pretty normal to me!!!!!!! You mean there is a world outside of Kansas/Oklahoma??????

JimP

[dray33]

I'm gonna try flipping this a bit:

You know you're from New York if:

1. You can properly pronounce New Yawk, Lawn-Guy land.
2. You think that people who complain are the norm.
3. A terror warning siren is your signal to do absolutely nothing.
4. Your idea of no traffic is ten thousand cars on the Saw Mill, all moving at 20mph.
5. You've ever had to switch from "knife" to "mace" in the same day.
6. You know that the true value of a parking space about 600 bucks a month minimum in a crappy garage that will ding up a Mercedes as quickly as a Taurus.
7. Stores don't have bags, they have non-english speaking foreigners.
8. You see people use cell phones at funerals.
9. You think everyone but you has an accent.
10. You measure distance in exits .
11. You refer to the capital of the world as "home"
12. It doesn't bother you to use an airport located in a whole other state.
13. Little Smokies are the stoned kids at the corner head shop.
14. You go to the ocean because you think it is like going to a clean ocean.
15. You listen to the weather forecast in your house, car, anywhere.
16. You know beef franks are not made of beef.
17. Someone you know has used a Judeo/Christian/Muslim/Buddist calendar schedule to plan their wedding date.
18. You have known someone who has had one belt buckle that costs a years salary.
19. A bad traffic jam involves two-million drivers staring each other down, each determined to be one car in front of the other.
20. You know in which state Miami is in, and you go there once a year.
21. You aren't surprised to find movie rental, souvlaki, heroine and art supplies in the same store.
22. Your "place at the lake" is in the Hamptons.
23. A Mercedes Benz is a status symbol. A Ford F350 4x4 costs 900 to park.
24. You know everything goes better with Hellmans mayonaise.
25. You learned how to shoot a gun just after you got mugged.
26. You actually get these jokes find it kinda sad!

I love OK by the way. And NY. Nice to have both

luck to all, dray

[henthorn]

Thanks for my second big laugh of the day.

[Mahubah]

Good for you both!

[wilf]

Thanks for two laughs in one post.........both very funny.A friend of mine said "Why don"t you go to Oklahoma ? its good for rheumatism. So I did and I got it.

[Cheryl]

Having lived in both states, most are so true! LOL Having lived in several states growing up, I still don't know if I should ask for a coke, a pop, a soda, a soft drink so I just drink tea (sweet tea that is, having lived in KY most of my adult life) Other strange regional sayings: close the lights, ride me to town, red up the house, get the hose pipe, etc. I could go on. Thanks for the laughs and stirring old memories.
cheryl

shawrull (in NY)
shirl (in PA)

[louis finochio]

When you learn how to shoot a weapon before you learn to multiply.
How does this have an effect on your crime rate in OK?

[henthorn]

Louis, those who were born to fish and hunt are also some of the ones who never learn to multiply. It's not the hunting that gets them into trouble, it's the drinking that goes with it. We have several pockets of crime, some urban, some small town.

[Green Hills]

Having lived in both states, most are so true! LOL Having lived in several states growing up, I still don't know if I should ask for a coke, a pop, a soda, a soft drink so I just drink tea (sweet tea that is, having lived in KY most of my adult life) Other strange regional sayings: close the lights, ride me to town, red up the house, get the hose pipe, etc. I could go on. Thanks for the laughs and stirring old memories.
cheryl

shawrull (in NY)
shirl (in PA)

No Coke...Pepsi.

[Cheryl]

No Coke...Pepsi.

If only John Belushi had said that....

[Green Hills]

Imagine that...