I don't know horses that well but I can write a book on marketing.
that ad has too much going on. if you want some help I would be more than happy to help a fellow pedigreequarian (LOL) out with some possible photoshop work.
about the ad
1) the first byline, undefeated in two starts.. while you are hitting on a positive.. the fact that he is undeated.. you are bringing up a negative...that he only raced twice. No need to punch yourself in a fist fight. If you are going to post anything leave it at "retired undfeated".. but I wouldn't even go there to be honest. I would leave it as "a grade 2 calibur stakes horse"
You are not going to sway any people to him because of his racing record, kyou will do so becuase of his positives which are his pedigree and his looks.. very good looking stallion. so thoose are things you are going to want to focus on and drive home, not his 2 race racing career. Understanding your market. it isn'g going to be the ones looking for hard knocking stallions.. it's going to be the ones looking for deals on horses from good families and good confirmation.. the fact that your horse flashed some talent is GREAT and use it.. but don't highlight. LOL, he beat a horse named MAVEN in his maiden race. Another cookie about that maiden race.. flying first class was scratched from it.
2) you put too much focus on the the negatives and glanced over his best attitube... that he is by Successful appeal. some consider him to be the one of the hottest sires in the country who is defiantly on the up and up
http://www.thoroughbredreview.com/StallionWatch.htm
So you want to play if anything off of the successes of his sire and some of the runners that he has produced. his his dam's sister is the dam of ERINSOUTHERNMAN, who is grade 1 placed
3) don't come off as a begger in your post.. you are trying to SELL the idea that it will be in your clients best interst to at the very least, come look at him. there are 3 lines that you could have saved and used it to post valuable ifnormation about your horse.
what about the fact that closing arguement, a son of successful appeal, kids are looking so good they sent him to kentucky? what about the successful of appealing zophie and dawn after dawn? "While SW's are good you aren't going after a SW market.. you are going after a Bred to race marekt... and Successful appeals are cash cows. they sell good, they race good and they make money
4) the page is too busy. I would loose the red stats on the pedigree section. first of all again.. know your clients.. if someone is looking at successful ways as a stallion.. they aren't newbies. they have been around the block and know both of these families anyway more than likely.. and if they are interested they will come here.
5) I would go with something that doesn't contrast as much as white black red and blue. a) no more than 2 colors should be used.. I liked the other ad in here, classy and gets the point across.
if you wnat some help with the design I can help you. NOt a bad a
d at all but IMHO it can be better.
! Any help with the design would be greatly appreciated! How do I sign up?
. I could not figure out how to PM the file so I emailed it. Just in case you have a spam folder. It will be from cvens@ Let me know how I can ever repay you! Thanks again, cj